Todd (psydude) wrote,

Does she even care?

So, my girlfriend has been out at the beach all evening.  She told me about this days in advance, so that's not a surprise.

Three nights ago, I had an arguement with her about how detatched shes been.  She's been hanging out with her bestie every single evening and sleeping until I go to work, so even though I live with her I had seen her so little.  It lasted for almost 7 hours off and on... mostly (vastly) off.  In the end I conceeded I would bring these complaints up sooner and not bottle them up.

Two nights ago, i caught her talking to her bestie and ended with "I love you" (too?  Did she say too?  Does it even matter?).  She gave him a ride from (to?) work, then came back home to hang out with me.  While I was at work, she even scored (not just one, but four!) job(s)!  I congratulated her multiple times and told her I was so proud of her.

Yesterday, I take her car in for an oil change, and shit hits the fan.  Broken engine mounts, a broken CV joint.  I volunteered to pay for it.... after all, I love this woman!  She volunteered to pay me back.  Well, rather, it's a longer story than that.  Long ago I told her I'd be happy to lend her money if she had income to pay me back.  Then she finally gets a job; hence my eccstaticness.  Then we find out I gotta drop $1k on her car.  Once she got the news, she started crying, saying that her car is her baby.  Which I completely understand, my car is my baby too (or at least my new WRX is).  I mentioned my still-open offer, and she replied "I promise I will pay you back!"  I believe her, and even despite my complaints below, I do still believe her about that.

Today, I woke her up for her first shift.  She delayed, so I laid in bed with her.  But first, I checked to see if she had an alarm set.  I opened the display on her phone to see her bestie start a text with "Last night you broke my heart[...]".  In conjunction with the I love yous, and the fact that they're currently camping.... I'm beginning to get seriously worried.  I walked to the auto care place to get her car home early in the morning, and she looked at me like I was crazy.  Or rather, told me I was.  It's true... but it would have been nicer if she had been appreciative.

We were supposed to get weed today, or rather she was supposed to for me.  I had forgotten to hand her the cash that I withdrew right after I picked up her car earlier, so I called her and we negotiated to leave it under the fish.  "I'll be back in the area to pick up Derek anyway, it's no prob".

Well, after I get home from work, the money's still there.  "Oh, we decided to pick it up from someone else, maybe tomorrow" was her response.  My initial text to her was "So the money's still here, did ya'll pick up the green?  I don't mind driving down to get it, just need your location."  I guess I was too subtle... I really just wanted to meet up with her, at the very least.

I'm still awake, it's 3:30AM.  I miss my sleeping medication... drinking alone isn't interesting enough anymore.  I havent eaten a single thing today.  I'm not hungry.  I've been weedless for three nights now, and it's really starting to hit me how bad my addiction can be.  I don't think I crossed her mind a single time today, I'm sure once she picked up derek she just let him lead the way, and ofc he doesn't care about me.  I don't think she cares about me either.

I hate my girlfriend for getting me addicted to marijuana again.

I'm pretty sure she's cheating on me, even though she denied it in person.  We used to show each other our conversations all the time... for conversational sake.  She even showed me how to unlock her phone.  She changed it 2-3 weeks ago... a week or two after her and Derek became "besties" again.  It's no longer a pattern, it's a PIN (3711).  I havent had a chance to snoop through her phone... shes awfully protective of it.  She tried to tell me "I do this, I change attitudes, I'm very protective of my stuff", but I don't think that's the entire truth.  I think she's doing it because she has something to hide... but I have no proof and she's denied it to my face.

"You can't come along because you have to work" was one of her responses to my inquiry about this 'fishing' trip.  She hasn't replied to a single text I've sent this evening, outside of when I accidently called her (I was trying to call a customer).

I mean, it could just be a crazy amount of coincidences.  Maybe they are just best friends, maybe derek says "i love you" to everyone and she responded out of habit, maybe derek just says stuff like "you broke my heart" all the time.  None of this explains my main concern though.... if she's dating me, but ditches me after work to "hang out with her bestie" every single night... why isn't she dating her bestie?  Isn't your spouse -supposed- to be your best friend?  She's my best friend... I wish I was hers.

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